I was born with romance flowing through my blood. Maybe Jane Austin was a long lost relative somewhere in my genealogy! I grew up in a home that more reflected feminism, but I seemed to not be swayed by it and had some thoughts of my own. I highly value the differences between men and women, celebrate it really. We are not gender neutral, or the same, it a ridiculous movement our society has entered. Both are equal in value, but vastly different in how we think, behave, and communicate, among many other things!
WHY DOES CHIVALRY APPEAR TO BE DEAD, WHERE DID ALL THE KNIGHTS GO?
In my opinion, we killed them off. I think it began back in the 60’s as women fought for equality, later trickling into “I don’t need a man”. In the effort to elevate value for women and equal opportunity in society, I see a trend where masculinity became mocked and ridiculed through raw humor and sitcoms. Women stopped seeing the value in men paying for the dates, opening the doors, pulling out a chair, and all the little gestures that have been part of pursuit and dating since the beginning of time.
Men are born with an innate desire to pursue a woman, to provide for her, even to provide for her comforts. Most young boys are not even witnessing their fathers do these things for their mothers, if their lucky enough even have a father around in the home. It’s rare to witness this sort of behavior in public where a man holds a door open for a woman to pass through, or even monitors his cursing in the presence of women and children, those things no longer seem to hold value in our culture.
DESPITE BEING A ROMANTIC, I TOO HAD HABITS TO BREAK!
I still had the inner desire to be the strong independent woman, a trait that seems so esteemed in the world of women. One day while in the checkout lane buying a very heavy bag of cat litter, I heard a man’s voice behind asking if I would like him to carry it out for me. By instinct I said, “no thank you, I can do it!” I heaved that bag into my arms, glanced behind me, and there stood a very handsome man (I was single at the time). As I made my way out of the store I had an incredible revelation, if I wanted the man who would be the type to open doors and pay for my date, then I’d better start learning to let some stranger carry my cat litter! I cannot have what I do not even know how to receive – chivalry and gentlemen gestures.
Moral of the story, I learned that strength as a woman meant vulnerability and honor. Allowing a man to do something I can do for myself would reveal parts of his nature and character that will model how he might treat me as a woman he loves! I had to learn to honor the masculine gestures that demonstrate kindness, concern, affections, and provision.
WHERE YOU WALK ON THE SIDEWALK MATTERS
When our teenage daughter told us she started dating a young man from school, my husband asked her “what side of the sidewalk does he walk on when you’re out together?” she replied “I like to walk closest to the road, so he walks on the other side” my husband responded “wrong answer”. She asked him why it mattered, he explained that a man is supposed to walk on the side closest to the road in a gesture of protection. She rolled her eyes and pleaded it is an old-fashioned statement which is borderline sexist. She then turned to me, her strong independent mother, with the pleading look of “side with me” and I looked her in the eyes and said “kiddo, your dad is right on this one, I’m not on your side”.
I am a strong independent woman, but I have embraced the journey of learning how to let my husband be my knight in shining armor. Knowing I have a man who longs to protect me, provide for me, cherish me, and highly value me through romantic gestures ultimately strengthens our honor for one another and deepens our connection.
DO NOT BE DECEIVED!
Men, despite what you have been taught to think about women no longer wanting “the knight in shining armor” it is a lie. Women may have lost the ability to receive masculine gestures of kindness and affection, but the longing still exists. Why do you think the movie industry produces so many “chick flicks”? Even Marvel is loaded with romantic notions, look at Captain America, Thor, and even the Hulk, it is no wonder the Marvel series is as popular with woman as it is with men! Women long to be pursued, cherished, fought for, protected, but the sad truth is most do not know how to receive it anymore.
There truly is lost skill in knowing how to be pursued as a woman and being the pursuer as a man!
WE LEARN…
10% of what we READ
20% of what we HEAR
30% of what we SEE
50% of what we SEE & HEAR
70% of what we DISCUSS
80% of what we EXPERIENCE
95% of what we TEACH
-William Glasser
